GM Cleanse - Day Two - Vegetables.

I wake up eager to start day two. Ready to see that number go down. I'm hoping for a pound, I'm praying for three. I want to be vindicated for my misery.


I'm ready to shower, stripped down naked. No excess anything. I don't even wear my contacts when I weigh. I pee until nothing more will come out. I try to empty the other tank, but that's a no go. But I ate all fruit. There probably isn't anything in me.


I step on the scales, take a deep breath, and look down.


Jesus.


I step off, reset the scale, and step back on.

Are you FREAKIN KIDDING ME???


I am exactly .4 pounds lighter than yesterday. That's right POINT FOUR. Less than half a pound.


NOW I want to kills someone. 


Only I, the most metabolically resistant person on the planet, could have an intake of -453 calories, sweat my ass off for hours in the blazing heat, drink a gallon of water...and lose POINT FOUR pounds. On a diet that swears you'll lose a pound and 'up to THREE pounds' the first day. Only. Me. 


Fortunately for those around me, the urge to kill is short lived. I take a deep breath, set my stubborn jaw, and decide to forge ahead.  Day two is vegetable day and it is before me.The stunning defeat the scales handed me is behind me. I must soldier on. It is day two and I get to start my day with a baked potato.

I have not had a baked potato since George W Bush's first term. I get to have one pat of butter on it. It's...good. Filling. Warm. It feels decadent.  If you're a low-carber, you know why I say that.

I take three cups of Wonder Soup, a bag of baby carrots and less than a tablespoon of ranch dressing, and three bags of frozen vegetables to work with me. I take a 101 oz water bottle and I fill it at 6am. I am set for the day.

Not really hungry most of the morning, and busy. I don't reach for the carrots until 9:30 and by then, have downed more than half my water. I munch on carrots for an hour, recording every one in my calorie counter.

I hit the bathroom probably 6 times before lunch. Easily once an hour, maybe even a little less. Someone's going to start thinking I'm just hiding out in there.

At 10:45 I break down and heat up the Wonder Soup, wondering how my breath is going to smell all afternoon after my concoction of onions and cabbages. It's tasty and filling. Topped off with more water, I'm almost painfully full by 11:30.

I bury myself in work and about 1:00 I start to droop. I think about heating up either the broccoli, or the veggie medley, or the green beans resting in my lunch bag. Decide I'm too full. What I need is some caffeine.

For the love of god, I'd kill for a Diet Coke.

I Google the diet again and this time click on a different website. Studying it carefully, I see it is identical in content, but programmed prettier. And it contains the words 'Diet' and 'Coke.' Right next to 'The free things during the diet.' God bless these people.

I IM my best friend to head down the escalator for sustenance. I warn her that in my weakness I may tumble at any moment. She's a peach and switches places with me so I don't hurt her on the way down (friends are great, no?). ;)

One sip of the nectar and I'm like a wilted flower after a light rain. My eyes are open, I'm walking upright. I'm revived. I get through the rest of the day without anything but my nectar and a couple more glasses of water. And 5 more trips to the bathroom to pee.

After work, I make an almost fatal error in judgment and step on the scales. It says I've gained a pound and a half today. I really just need to put the damn thing away until day 8. I mean, really, that's not even possible given what I've eaten and drank today. It's too much water. It's whatever. It's frustrating as hell.

I put it out of my head, my nose in the air like Scarlett O'Hara and decide I'll think about that tomorrow.  Instead I take to the sidewalk in my walking shoes, three miles ahead of me. According to my friendly iPhone app, that will pretty much cancel out all the calories I consumed today.

I come home and have a bag of mixed vegetables (broccoli, cauliflower, and carrots in a light butter sauce). I having nothing else.  Tomorrow better bring a better number on the scale.

Or I may actually kill someone.