GM Diet Cleanse Wrap Up

So I haven't visited my blog in ages. I started it during my last-ditch attempt to drop some weight before a long Caribbean vacation. I came across it today while looking at another blog and was surprised that people have read it! I realize it's probably just people searching for any information on the GM Diet/Cleanse, but I still feel special. And I feel obligated to wrap it up.

So it's almost November. Obviously, since I'm writing this, the GM Diet/Cleanse did not kill me. It certainly felt like it would. And I will never do it again.

Day 6 was all-the-beef-you-can-eat-day. And oh I did. My freshly cleansed system was more than ready for a protein bounce and I gave it my all. I couldn't even tell you at this point how much beef I ate, but it was a lot. A couple of pounds, easily, throughout the day. I almost cried because it felt so good not to be hungry.

 Day 6 was my un-bitchiest of days. I was satisfied all day, had loads of energy, ran around like a bunny with a battery strapped to my back, was quite happy. Again, pushing the water was a big deal, so while I was ingesting all the cow my stomach could take, I was pounding the water. I spent a great deal of time in the bathroom to pee, but since Wednesday (banana day), have not, um, well...I guess maybe the old pipes aren't ready to get rid of anything just yet. It will. Right? I mean, who can hold two pounds of beef in their system for long, right?

Um, ME, apparently.

Day 7 was weird. Brown rice, beef, and vegetables. I haven't voluntarily eaten rice in 8 years. Occasionally I'll have a little on the side if we order chinese food, but typically, I skip it. So I had to eat a cup of brown rice.  One cup. I did not go for the instant kind because I know it has most of the fiber stripped away. Which means it took like 45 minutes to cook the stuff. I didn't add butter, but did add a little salt. And I ate it. it wasn't horrible. Being brown rice, it was almost nutty in taste and texture. Very filling.

And then...I napped. I napped for 4 straight hours. I couldn't keep my head up I was so exhausted. It was like a horrible reaction to something. Like my body just shut down. I was dazed and my brain was fuzzy. I apparently got stoned on brown rice.

After I woke up from my brown rice blackout, I decided my diet was over. Like really over. I'm as cleansed as I'm going to be and I'm looking forward to seeing that big number on the scale tomorrow morning. I'm so excited that I don't even eat the rest of the day. You'll remember, after the meatless fajitas and banana days, I was down a solid 5 pounds. So I'm expecting great things. I've never been so strict with my eating, never followed a plan as precisely as I did this one.

Day 8. Final weigh-in.

My usual routine of emptying the bladder complete, I realize I haven't emptied the other tank since...day 4. All that beef, the tomatoes, and the brown rice.  Unless it's been converted to urine, it hasn't budged. So I'm taking all this into consideration when I step on the scales. Maybe it'll be 8, but really there's 2 pounds of goo in me that hasn't yet moved. So that's a net 10 pounds. I'll be happy with that.

But it's not 10. Or 8.

I've lost 4 pounds.

On the diet that guarantees that your system will shed 10-17 pounds if you follow it exactly and do not cheat at all...I lost...FOUR POUNDS.

I.
Give.
Up.

I don't feel better. I don't feel cleansed. I feel like I desperately need to poop. And I'm pissed.

But stress eating won't help. So I stick to my plan and rocket right into a typical low carb day. Bacon and eggs for breakfast, a diet coke (no coffee for me), a piece of roast chicken for lunch and a salad, and meat for dinner. Fortunately, because I'd had adequate caloric intake today, I feel like exercising. So I take a long 5 mile walk after work, briskly, for about an hour and a half. Still pushing the water. Still peeing. No signs of life from the colon.

I would not say I found the GM Diet/Cleanse to be successful. It was an interesting experiment on biology and had it worked, I would totally do it again. But the misery I felt in the restrictions, the abject hunger I felt, and the disappointment of not seeing a decent number on the scales gives it a giant thumbs down from me.

Now I'm just pissed I wasted a whole week on it.

As far as that other thing goes...the colon finally sprang to life a full week later. I literally went 10 days without activity. This cannot be healthy. When I finally got things moving again, it was nothing short of legendary. And boy did I feel better.