I reached this level slowly, letting weight creep back on. I'm now fully the same size I was pre-Atkins 10 years ago. I've tried over and over again to get back on that bandwagon, but something is broken in my metabolism. I can't get started. Can't stick with it for more than a week. I've lost my Atkins mo jo.
Maybe it's my age. I'm almost 47 and my shape has changed to that spare-tire-around-the-middle shape. I don't bend in the middle like I used to. Putting my shoes on is harder than it used to be. It's like I have an innertube around my middle all the time that's always in my way. But without the cute ducky head and the fun day at the pool. I despise that I no longer have a waist. But I don't. AT ALL.
So the catalyst for this latest drastic step was a pre-vacation shopping trip. You know, some cute dresses, maybe some new flip flops, perhaps some flattering shorts. Turns out I can't wear anything with a defined waist, no matter how adorable it looks on the hanger. So I look for empire waists, ruffled tops (GOD LOVE THE RUFFLES), stretchy fabric. I bought one dress that was flattering. But my extra fat isn't limited to the spare tire, so my back fat is hideously visible as well. I looked at XLs and the size 16 shorts were still displaying a muffin top. Again, and louder - MAXIMUM DENSITY.
I came home frustrated with my size. My shape. My inability to stick with anything. The absolute lack of progress no matter what I try. Last year I went on Weight Watchers, determined to stick to it. it's a 'healthy eating plan' right? It pushes vegetables and lean meats, the government-backed theory that fat is bad and low fat is good. A theory I haven't subscribed to in a decade, but that I decided to try again since nothing else has worked.
After two and a half weeks of absolute misery, after chronicling every single morsel I ate, after following the plan TO THE LETTER, after cheating not a single time...I had gained 2.4 pounds. Hell if I'm going to GAIN weight, I'm not going to be that unhappy doing it. So I canceled my WW subscription and said to hell with it. I tried the low carb thing again, repeatedly. I think that's what has sucked the energy out of my metabolism. It's like my biology is smart enough to know that it just has to adapt for a week or so to me not consuming any carbs, and then it will get what it really wants.
My metabolism is like a shiftless teenager, lounging about on the couch until I poke it with a stick and make it work. But the minute I stop paying attention to it, the very second I relax my militant ways, it's back to sleeping until noon, watching movies all afternoon, and leaving it's dishes in my sink.
Bastard.
So after my miserable but eye-opening shopping experience on Saturday, I decided to go hard core. Like a drunk who breaks all the vodka bottles in the house, I had to go cold turkey on food. Well, not so much cold turkey. Because turkey is food, but you get it. Starting Sunday (two days ago), I have not eaten anything except broth. That's right. Broth. With one exception in the way of a cup of shredded pork Sunday night (it was already in the crock pot and the smell got to me).
By my calculations, I ate about 500 calories Sunday, between 80 and 100 yesterday, and am on target today to maintain that pace. About 18 cups of broth a day goes into me, spaced according to when I'm hungry. I have it in a travel mug so it stays hot. I sip it when my stomach knocks, then I refill it when empty and keep it handy. I went to the store this morning and purchased unsalted broth because I also consumed about 12000mg of sodium yesterday and was swollen tight last night. But that little side effect has been rectified.
The broth is tasty (I like the unsalted better...with a bay leaf and a few dried herbs like oregano and rosemary), and most importantly it keeps me full. 'Not full' leads to temptation. Which leads to binging. Which leads to my metabolism not even getting out of bed for a week.
So it's a mental game at this point. I have 32 days of drinking broth before vacation. How long will I last? And will my metabolism finally get it's dead ass off my couch?
More to come...
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